when you find yourself in the center of a dream

on the journey toward manifesting our deepest desires—and why we sometimes block them from coming into fruition

and sometimes you find yourself 

in the center of a dream 

where you’ve chased 

the jut of her cheekbones 

like lightning around the room 

and catch a glimpse of the veins 

that stand out on his arms, 

his tattoo 

the one that makes everything 

inside you ache

---

Hi lovely,

They say the only thing worse than not getting what you want is getting it.

my first inclination is to disagree. I must restrain the urge to throw my head back, let issue forth a scornful laugh, and say, “Not a chance.”

but I know that for most people, that isn’t true. even for myself, up to a certain point.

because there’s a reason we stop wanting things when they come into our sphere of orbit. there’s a reason we may feel afraid when the possibility arises, begins to actualize, and why in so many ways we unconsciously block our blessings.

for me, so much of the healing process/spiritual awakening/journey toward manifestation of my desires has been an unlearning of that understanding. it’s been a reaching toward something. a promise that after so many years of denying my Self: It’s okay to want what you want.

why have I been ashamed to admit that I want love in my life? real, gorgeous, momentous love. all my poems are about it. (well, that and the moon, which is another kind of longing.) all the best songs on my Spotify playlists are about it—you know, the ones that truly electrify.

but really, I find myself asking this all the time these days. why, for so long, was I afraid to let myself want?

why, indeed.

we are manifesting all the time. everything in our physical reality, we have manifested. we project, out into our external reality, from our inner belief systems—what we think it’s possible for us to have.

we are not engaging with this from a conscious level, but a subconscious one, and if we do not believe it’s possible, if we do not feel safe to attain it—well, then. our subconscious will do everything in its power to protect us from it.

to make sure what we think we want on a conscious level doesn’t come into our lives. (or stay.)

“we attract from what we are.” “life happens through us, not to us.” and all manner of now-clichéd platitudes are, nonetheless, true.

as I have journeyed toward the practice of conscious manifestation, I’ve learned some pretty miraculous things. I’m talking life-changing, shook-me-to-the-literal-core-of-my-being type learnings.

the most important of which has been the following:

not only is it okay to want what we want—but there’s a reason we want it. a deep, and beautiful, and soul-affirming reason. it’s because we are meant to have it.

and so, some questions for you, dear reader:

what have you been afraid to let yourself want? is there a desire that feels completely out of reach—so out of reach that you won’t even let yourself consider what it may be like to have it?

if you were to get the thing that you wanted, right at this very instant, how would you feel? on a scale of 1 to Completely Unsafe, how comfortable does it feel? where do you feel it in your body?

I’d love to know.

xx

Kimia