What they don't tell you about the healing journey
am I spiraling, or is it just time?
Hi lovelies,
I’ve had a tough time writing this one. mostly because I have a strong urge—and tendency—to wax poetic on this topic, but didn’t feel I had a clearly delineated place to start. so I’ll start with where I am, right now, because where I am right now is, I think, in the middle of the spiral.
and I don’t mean that in the sense of the “downward spiral” we all know and love, although I’d be lying if I said that the cutthroat nature of the news cycle didn’t make me feel as if I were mere steps away from spiraling every day, and every day I make a concerted effort not to.
no. not that. at least not right now.
I mean it in the sense of my ongoing spiritual journey currently feeling as if I’m inside of a massive and intricate labyrinth. only with no David Bowie to look forward to at the end of it. (yes, I just shamelessly dated myself with that reference. no I will not be running up this hill, I will die on it. okay, I’m done now I promise.)
I can’t see what will propel me forward; I can’t see, yet, what terrain I’m traversing next. all I know—indeed, all I can trust in now—is that when it’s meant to, the path will reveal itself to me.
also, time is a spiral. but don’t let’s get me started on that.
what they don’t tell you about this place—indeed, what they don’t tell you about the healing journey, about ascending to the next level of your consciousness, about this whole cosmic shebang—is that right before you level up is often when it feels like everything is falling apart. when everything feels its most messy and unpredictable and calamitous.
when maybe, just maybe, you feel completely and utterly lost.
your old belief systems are crumbling or have already fallen away; attachments that felt promising and new unravel or fizzle out; relationships with others shift and evolve, sometimes end.
at times, moving up to the “boss level” requires the stripping away of the part of you that says: “if I put down these walls. if I stop pretending. if I let go of this thing I thought was making me up this whole time, then everyone will see how soft I really am here. and that’s what I’m really afraid of.”
and that’s what I’m really afraid of, but… I’m writing into it anyway.
Thanks for being here,
Kimia